oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
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He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
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I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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