you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
