dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
