she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
