I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
