You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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