she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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