God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
