im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression