Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
