I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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