Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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