that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
