Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
