Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"