im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC