Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!

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(210): View more from Texas

I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand

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The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Read it at the TFLN blog
(502): View more from Kentucky

Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.

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(440): View more from Ohio

uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober

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(301): View more from Maryland

Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.

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(+49): View more from Germany

Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.

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