he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."