But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
