I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Randomize
