Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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