For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
