he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
