Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Your face is a jimmy john
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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