It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
