All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
