This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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