marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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