You made me cry and you don't even care
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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