Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
