go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
