worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
