Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
