I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
