I heard we made out
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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