oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
