I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
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True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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