Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
