I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
