Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
