Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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