So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This is the high leading the old right now
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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