rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
