shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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