i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
