what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
