If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
