Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.