the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
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I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.