Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.

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  (303): I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is. http://tfl.nu/uj2o
  Replies (14) Good night (3689) Bad night (751)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed

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  (979): I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed http://tfl.nu/k1m0
  Replies (19) Good night (4749) Bad night (670)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!

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  (904): So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius! http://tfl.nu/2kph
  Replies (259) Good night (5130) Bad night (4998)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "

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  (405): i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it. (1-405): i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. " http://tfl.nu/mvrv
  Replies (40) Good night (9890) Bad night (1229)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.

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  (505): He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way. http://tfl.nu/qq0o
  Replies (7) Good night (1292) Bad night (4760)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.

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  (303): she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays. http://tfl.nu/t82v
  Replies (8) Good night (4967) Bad night (699)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer

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  (519): I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer http://tfl.nu/z4my
  Replies (4) Good night (1262) Bad night (1684)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.

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  (701): Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy. http://tfl.nu/k5h7
  Replies (6) Good night (1289) Bad night (896)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.

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  (706): When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me. http://tfl.nu/9m66
  Replies (9) Good night (2096) Bad night (709)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.

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  (503): A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money. http://tfl.nu/jqm6
  Replies (4) Good night (2161) Bad night (637)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.

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  (514): I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari. http://tfl.nu/cpgv
  Replies (6) Good night (856) Bad night (1267)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.

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  (317): No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored. http://tfl.nu/emh2
  Replies (15) Good night (1696) Bad night (642)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?

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  (773): Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT? http://tfl.nu/k7sq
  Replies (8) Good night (687) Bad night (392)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.

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  (937): I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it. http://tfl.nu/ozbd
  Replies (0) Good night (620) Bad night (271)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist

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  (802): Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist http://tfl.nu/fe8s
  Replies (7) Good night (674) Bad night (385)

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