I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I bet he comes in French.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
meet me or not, i'm out of control
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.