I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
