new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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