a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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