Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
