Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
