Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude i'm inner monologue high
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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