he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
