I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
