Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
