tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
