it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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