I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
