How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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