My underwear smells like fireworks.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
