I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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