My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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