Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
then he tried to convert me to islam
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
