WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
