marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
