There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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