I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
this hospital has no fireball
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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