I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
