he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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