Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
