We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
