Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
